Why my son's RTC doesn't think my son should be there...

First off, let me tell you that I am cautiously optimistic about him being moved because of some of the things I was told by his therapist there:

*Therapist doesn't think he has RAD (What does a pedi-psychiatrist,psychiatrist, psychologist,another pedi-psychiatrist and a neuropsychologist, play therapist and attachment therapist know?)

*He makes inappropriate sexual comments to the staff (he told me he does this for attention...also said he acts like he's gay for attention. I don't care if he's gay, if he is, he is. I doubt it but it's not something that really matters to me so long as he becomes okay with it and keeps himself safe later in life...I think the same thing about my daughter keeping herself safe also.) I can't help but wonder though if the comments are designed to keep staff at arms length. No one knows but him.

*He has had to sleep in the day room because of threats to harm himself (my kid is smart, scary smart, just in general but especially when it comes to manipulating events to best protect himself...this keeps him away from his scary roommate...sounds sane to me)

*He gets individual only once per week and group once per week but other staff stood there in front of the judge and said he gets individual three times per week. Therapist himself told me the once individual and once group.

*Bottom line is that they are having to put too much of their resources on him. He has to have one to one wherever he goes and this is not an expensive RTC compared to others, so they're losing money. He's not easy, he takes work. Boy,don't I know it.

Karyn Purvis

We had a status hearing today and I GOT TO HUG MY SON! Ahhh, it felt so good to physically be with him and mother on him. Turns out, the RTC he's at doesn't feel like they are a good "fit" for him and so he will be moved. Not sure where yet. What I was told also today is that the judge ordered a new psychological done on him and she wants Karyn Purvis, PhD. to do it. I have tried for years to get Alex into one of her studies or their Care Connection Camp, etc and we've always been on a waiting list and finally, at ten years old, he was too old. That's all the interaction I've had with her. I know she's written The Connected Child and speaks all over the world. I know she's done a lot of conferences. What I don't have any information about is people who've actually had or knows someone who's had her evaluate their child. So, I need feedback. I'm to give this feedback to our son's attorney early, early next week.
But still, I got to hold my son today. Wow.

7 Things...

...you may not know about me...

1.) I was born in San Antonio and was kicked out of ballet when I was three. I'm fourth of five kids and my older siblings called me Princess (even buying a plaque to hang from my bedroom door when I was a teen). I had my stomach pumped out three times by the time I was five...once for making a Tidy Bowl beer "wif a head on it", once for drinking ant killer, and for eating a bottle of Bayer Children's aspirin. We had Chinaberry wars that escalated to assaults from the roof (me) and I knew the world was perfect one evening at 7 when I was jumping rope on our front sidewalk, smelling leaves burning and knowing my dad was making spaghetti....ahhh, the life!

2.) My husband and I met at a foosball parlor where my sister and I would beat the snot out of all the guys because she played front very fast and I played back, so slow they couldn't believe it. I stepped on his feet and said I wouldn't get off until he told me his name. (Little did I know that he was so shy that I was asking a lot to get that.) Tomorrow is our 33rd anniversary.

3.) We got married when I was 18 and six weeks and he was nineteen. You may not know this but We.Had.All.Of.The.Answers. Problem was,when our first daughter was born a mere five months later (she was two months preemie,you do the math and no, this woman, I mean girl, didn't realize she was pregnant because she was sick all day, not just in the morning)with Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus meaning without surgery, she would be a paraplegic, all those wonderful answers to life just went out of the window. Amber Diane was projected to live 24 hours and they did not do the surgery. Haha! she lived 13 years and 6 days longer than predicted. She was a privilege to parent and I miss her bear hugs daily.

4.) After having our second daughter,Heather Suzanne, (now 31, she's a gentle, gentle soul, vegetarian, animal savior, who is moving to Oregon in a few weeks The Furthest Away From Me She's Ever Been! with her husband of two years and the only grandkids I'll ever get from them Doobie the dog, Max and Ollie the cats.) we attempted for our third child after an Oopherectomy (removal of a cystic ovary) and ended up with a tubal pregnancy and a complete hysterectomy at 23.

5.) I foster parented for an adoption agency but quit after having to remove a baby from his parents because it was discovered that he was blind and that the frontal lobe of his brain had never developed. While his father sobbed to me about how much he loved having raspberries blown on his tummy, I just knew it was wrong, so wrong for the agency to refuse to let the family keep this child (they had not finalized yet) because he was "defective" and I guess they had a money-back guarantee or something. They placed another newborn boy with them about two weeks later. Got grief? Being a parent of a child with a disability, even at 22, I knew that was wrong, so wrong. He was adopted by a family who had a bio-daughter born with the same issues.

6.) We went to the local CPS office in San Antonio when we decided to adopt and were told that if we wanted to adopt a child who accepted our love or who would love us, these were not the children for us. After experiencing the emotional fallout on our daughter of having a special needs sibling, we opted for a domestic,open adoption and after two failed matches, Hannah Elizabeth came. After going to the CPS office in Austin and hearing the same exact thing, we chose to adopt our son from Ukraine, thereby avoiding all the issues....HA!

7.) I am a book reading, gardening fool who loves animals and will have a Hedgehog again while living in England, surrounding myself with all those lovely accents, all that history (history minor, elementary education major...taught for sixteen years).

Your turn.....

Home,home on the range...

I like to take photographs, especially of nature. We live in the Texas hill country where for about 11 months out of the year, it's too hot to take pictures. (Just kidding, it's only six months...and I'm not kidding about that.) Right now, things have cooled down considerably so off with the camera I went. This is one of those ways that I try to "take care of the caregiver". Reading is daily, often at least twice a day...murder mysteries or sarcastic novels, the more British they are, the better.

Here are a few of the photos I took today. While sitting quietly and just looking, I spied a small herd of doe crossing the river and then....I watched them play. I mean like tag or chase or something. It was incredible....running around behind the big boulders and jumping at each other....this went on for about fifteen minutes. Wishing I'd had a video camera with me. Amazing!

I am excited

Tomorrow afternoon, I'll be touring the RTC that's closer with one of the CASA supervisors. But, that's not why I'm excited. I'm excited because after talking to my son on the phone Friday afternoon and HE was so happy, I'm looking forward to being able to visit him this weekend. I will see him Friday at court but have no idea how long that visit will be. Providing he doesn't do anything to lose visitation privileges (I understand the need for earning privileges and having levels even though I know for RAD kids, that really usually won't work...but I wish they understood that visiting is not only for the child but the family needs it too)I'll get to spend 9a to 5p with him. My plan is after leaving him to pull over at one of the commercial buildings and have my heaving,gut-clenching, snot-throwing cry and getting it all out before heading back onto the highway and reminding myself that the next visit will be in two weeks, not another month.

Well rattle my bones!

Most of the time when I try to replicate a recipe, it doesn't turn out so well. This time though, these skull cupcakes came out okay. How you do it: after cooling, pull the cupcake paper away from the cupcake on one side and slip in a large marshmallow. Frost over all, place Junior Mints for the eyes, a choc. chip sideways for the nose and the teeth and almond slivers.

The bones for the chocolate cake...ehh, not so much. The bat cupcakes wings and/or the ears kept sliding off: wings = 1/2 a thin mint candy and the ears were an Andes mint cut diagonally. However, the great news is that for today, when I was feeling so down about being away from my son on a holiday, he called me....laughing! They'd had a pinata the day before and they got candy. He was calling from the manager's cell phone while in line getting all kind of goodies. Later this afternoon, they're going to the girl's RTC for a party. He actually said he liked it there!

I spoke to the therapist yesterday for an hour and a half and feel much better about the kind of therapy he's getting, the kind of care, etc. It's still a few hours away and I don't like that but he's safe, we're safe, that's what's important.

Did you hear that....that loud pssshhhttttt, that's some of the stress leaking out of me. I know tomorrow can be a completely different story but for today, I'm just going to enjoy the moment. Happy Halloween everyone.

What would you ask?

I have a call coming in tomorrow morning from Alex's therapist at RTC. Because getting info out of this place has been challenging, I don't want to lose the opportunity and want to be thorough.

Here's what I have:

1. What is the new medication he's on? What is its purpose?

2. What dx do you think he has?

3. Do you think this facility is a good match for Alex's needs?

4. What type of therapy are you using? How often?

I know I'm missing obvious questions, so help me out here, please!